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The Prophet of Bigotry
The Prophet of Bigotry was a high prophet who, alongside the other high prophets, led the Covenant in at least some sort of way. He is greatly known for his seething hatred towards the group of rebels Known as "The Covenant Rejects", and towards the 'Dolam family. He is known to be the oldest prophet ever to live, and he has died 30 times, with some of these deaths being at the hands of the heroic Fil 'Dolamee. He always gets revived by very ridiculous means after each death. Personality & Appearance Bigotry is a more unique individual San 'Shyuum, as he is far more muscular than his other fellow prophets. This is most likely due to the fact that he was born on Squottland, which has a high gravity similar to Janjur Qom. This is also due to the fact that he was once dropped into a radioactive lake. He has a greyish skin tone, and black pubes growing on his wattles and eyebrows. Bigotry, unlike most other prophets, doesn't have a name opposite of his personality. In fact, his name actually DESCRIBES his personality. He is a harsh, uptight bigot who has no respect for other people nor opinions. He has an immense hatred towards bronies, gays, bisexuals, jews, furries, asians, anime, pseudo-anime, anime-like American cartoons, and most of all, Fil 'Dolamee's family. In general, he is considered to be a rather unpleasant man. Barely anybody likes him, and people only respect him because he is the reason why the Covenant even exists in the first place. He is most well known for his Squottish accent, tendency to swear, and lack of an anti-gravity throne. Biography Early Life Bigotry was born as an orphan on a planet known as "Squottland", that was home to a race of avian beings known as "Squottsmen". He was raised under the name of "Haggis" by his adoptive family. Due to his family's Squottish heritage, he was raised to become one of the biggest jerks ever, and to never respect other people's opinions. He eventually became the "prime goddamned minister" of the whole planet by the age of 50 years old, due to the inherited liking towards debauchery that is shared by all members of the Squottsmen race. As quoted by the squottsman chancellor: One day, the Prophet of Bigotry, due to his douchey personality, decided to leave the office of prime minister, stating that it was "a bloody waste of time". After quitting his career, he left a note that read: . He packed his clothes, his toothbrush, his sheep and his scrumpy, and then proceeded to steal the ministry's spaceship, and headed out into space to find fellow San 'Shyuum. Finding his People/During the Sangheili-San 'Shyuum War As Bigotry traveled the deep regions of space, he came across a forerunner dreadnought, which was piloted by a group of fellow San 'Shyuum. Said people saw Bigotry's spaceship, and beamed him into the ship with a tractor beam. Baffled by this, Bigotry was surrounded by his people in the dreadnought's poop deck. To his surprise, these San 'Shyuum welcomed Bigotry, and quickly hired him as a negotiator, not knowing Bigotry's poor skill at negotiating. The men in the ship informed Bigotry that they were heading to the planet Sangheilios to make peace. The trip to said planet took 3 hours, as the planet was quite a long distance from their current position. Due to the length of the trip, Bigotry quickly got bored, and decided to kill time by drinking the scrumpy that he brought from his home planet. After two or three bottles, he became very drunk, temporarily losing the very little self control that he already had. Upon arriving on Sanghelios, he fell out of the ship face first in front of a tribe of Sangheili, and shouted a few racial slurs towards the tribe, whilst drinking another bottle. One of the sangheili in the tribe responded by saying "Woah, not cool, bro.", which resulted in getting punched in the face by Bigotry, and getting knocked out. The tribe, upon hearing Bigotry's slurs, and noticing the dreadnought he rode on, became angry at both Bigotry and the other San 'Shyuum in the ship, thus declaring war on them. Bigotry was blamed for the sharade, and was then pit under arrest for interfering with politics. He also lost his alcohol privelages throughout this war. Near the end of the war, the imprisoned Prophet of Bigotry, being even more sober than usual, then thought of an ingenius plan to make peace with the Sangheili. He was then temporarily released from arrest, and put into court by the council in order to reveal his plan. He then told the San 'Shyuum council about his plan. The Council had many mixed opinions about his plan. Eventually, his plan was approved by the highest prophet, and he was beamed down to Sangheilios' surface. Bigotry then went on to search for the hottest woman he could find. He then met a Sangheili woman named Sexy 'Ladee, whom he then asked out on a date. As their relationship progressed, they went on several dates, with them both falling in love with each other. Surprisingly, despite Bigotry originally choosing Sexy for her looks, he began to love her for her personality. Eventually, Bigotry popped the question. The two got married, and had a home on a beautiful countryside. News about this marriage went all across Sangheilios, promoting peace between both the San 'Shyuum and the Sangheili. Soon enough, the married couple finally had some good hanky-panky, and made love all niiiight loooooooonnnnng. The very next day, the alliance between the two races began, the Covenant was then founded. Unfortunately, that morning, while Bigotry was brushing his teeth, he noticed that he had some large, disgusting sores growing on his face and gonads, and red, bloodshot eyes. While he examined these ailments, he started to have an extremely sharp stomach pain, and he then spontaneously started to vomit blood, causing him to die of blood loss afterward. His body was then found, and taken to the dreadnought to be examined by scientists for the cause. The scientists, after doing several autopsies and blood scans, it was discovered that Bigotry died due to several STDs he contracted from Sexy 'Ladee. His funeral was then held at a nuclear power plant, right next to a lake of nuclear waste. Both San 'Shyuum and Sangheili alike attended the funeral. As a showing of respect (and possibly some resentment for causing the war), Bigotry's corpse was gently dropped into the radioactive lake. The preacher then ended the funeral with this speech: But the, the radioactive properties of the lake caused Bigotry to come back to life, and crawl out of the lake. He was back, better than ever, being even more muscular than before. Due to this "miracle", Bigotry was then titled "The Prophet of Bigotry", and was gifted with three Sangheili hookers. He became the highest freaking prophet of the time. During the Days of Gris As a prophet, Bigotry became the hierarch of the Covenant, and at this point, he has turned all of High Charity into a space version of Las Vegas. In the year 806 BC, a soldier named Gris 'Dolamee was accused of heresy, and was titled Arbiter. Gris was forced to serve the Prophet of Bigotry, much to Bigotry's joy. Bigotry constantly sent Gris on repetitive and difficult missions, each mission causing Gris to be mortally injured afterward. Knowing about this, Bigotry (being the diabolical bastard that he is) decided to put Gris under life support in order to prolong his suffering and pain. However, by the year 803 BC, Gris started to establish a secret society of rebels known as the Covenant Rejects. Bigotry didn't even know about this rebellion, as he was too lazy to even find out. That is until he discovered that his toothbrush was missing, and there was just an IOU note from Gris. Finding out, Bigotry screamed out: Bigotry then began to suspect that Gris was starting a rebellion, which was just superstition at first. He soon started to go detective and try to find the rebellion. He searched everywhere, from the sewers of High Charity to the cloacas of his Sangheili hookers. He kept searching and searching for two years straight, until the year 800 BC, in which he caught Gris and a few of his fellow Rejects were vandalizing a Covenant grocery store. Still enraged by the loss of his toothbrush, Bigotry challenged Gris in an energy sword duel. Said duel lasted for 10 minutes, and caught the attention of several bystanders. Bigotry eventually got distracted by the bystanders cheering for him, and then got impaled from behind by Gris's sword. This caused an almost instant death, as Bigotry then slumped to his side, dead. After this event, Gris 'Dolamee was then executed, causing the fragmentation of the Covenant Rejects. Bigotry's corpse, after Gris' death, was preserved and put on display in The Museum of Natural Charity as a relic describing the origins of the covenant. The label on his glass casket reads "fuck off", which is one of Bigotry's most memorable quotes. His days as a Corpse Bigotry spent a good 20 years of his death being a mummy in a museum. T'was a good afterlife, as his corpse would be constantly refilled with embalming fluid on a daily basis, and admired by the children visiting the museum. During his days as a corpse, High Charity slowly devolved from being a space Vegas to just a crappy religious city after a new prophet (The Prophet of Fun) took the throne as a high prophet. All of the fancy fountains, hotels, and casinos were torn down, and the gold fittings in the city were removed. Eventulally, the Prophet of Fun decided to tear down the Museum as well, because he considers museums to be places of fun. However, upon seeing the mummified remains of Bigotry, he had to make a decision. And so, the mummified remains of Bigotry were launched into space, never to be seen again. But wait! That's just what the GOVERNMENT wants you to think! No, Bigotry was seen again. At the planet known as Harvest. The Harvest Campaign It is the year 2527, during the Harvest campaign. A five year long conflict that caused a huge shitstorm of violence. There are zombies, aliens, cyborgs, etc. It has been over like THOUSANDS of years since the Prophet of Bigotry's remains were launched into space, and those thousands of years left them totally effed up, bro. He was all mangled and twisted from the frequent meteor impacts, there was a colony of space maggots living inside his testicles and his entire body was just fucked up in general. But luckily, for the sake of plot, Bigotry's corpse went into entry of Harvest's atmosphere, and crash landed on the planet's surface. More specifically, into the labratory of the Covenant scientific genius Bly and his Unggoy egor Piwip. Upon this amazing discovery, Bly, being the shitty Rick and Morty parody that he is, decided to do something diabolical with it. See? Told you. And so, Bly and Piwip began to play god, and try to bring Bigotry back to life. They repaired his body, disinfected his gonads, and enlarged his penis to twice its size. The very last step was to Revive him. They tied his body to a chair, and opened up the roof of the lab, waiting for a lightning bolt to hit the corpse, kinda like Dr. Frankenstein. List of Deaths These are all the ways that he has died/been revived. All in chronological order. # Sangheili STDs which he contracted from a sangheili female whom he plowed in order to make peace during the Sangheili-San 'Shyuum war; He was revived by getting submerged in radiation. As of now, he is significantly more muscular than he was prior to his first death. # Being killed by Gris 'Dolamee, Fil ' Dolamee's great great great grandfather, and having his corpse preserved and put on display in a museum as a relic; was revived from his preserved remains by Bly and Piwip during the Harvest Campaign. # Mustard gas leakage that was (on accident) caused by his mechanic Smarter Than Me; was revived by being overstuffed with food nipple paste. As of now, his blood is 50% food nipple paste. # Food poisoning from eating expired food at Shlaco Bell; was revived via the use of a "radioactively fibrillating stomach pump". # Being crushed under the foot of Gussan, a Scarab tank that joined the Rejects; was revived by being rubbed in lekgolo urine. # Being pushed down a bottomless cliff on Delta Halo by Fil 'Dolamee; was revived by making a deal with the Gravemind and being given the power of the flood. He was then 50% flood biomass until his next death. Category:The Rejects (Parody Series) Category:Prophets Category:San'Shyuum